I miss you

I wish I could let my guard down. But darling, I can´t. I´ve been guarding for too long and I don´t know how to stop. I think you might be expecting a girl, but I´m no girl. I´ve been through hell and back because of love and it´s going to take time. Time that we might not have. Today I wished I was different. Today, I wanted to tell you that I miss you. I wanted to say: My flat feels empty without you in it. Hollow. But I did´nt and since you know me by now, you adapted to my tone. Once, just once, I let go. I remember how that surprised you. How your eyes started gleaming and how your armour fell to the floor. I remember being proud of myself. That I had the courage. That I took that leap without waiting for a que from you. And how vulnerable you suddenly looked beneath the street light shining through my window. But if I let go now. (Not that I even know how to.) It would be an avalanche kind of ordeal. And frankly, I don´t think either of us are ready for it.

Nine Inch Nails – Hurt