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tisdag 26 juni 2012

Rose petals

I´m wearing flowers on my sleeve. I´m getting over myself. I´m getting on with it. I´m stepping forward through the rain. Through my streets and my songs. I´m getting somewhere finally, it seems. I´m letting bygones be bygones and I leave things be. My step is sure these days. My step is fast again. My CV has been translated into another language. In my dreams I speak another tongue. I think in bilingual and I´m finding my way back to what it was like to view the world as my oyster. My thoughts are bigger these days, less constricted. I´m expanding, and the process is steadfast and without hesitation. The colour is back and life has begun to glitter and glimmer again. The nights are short and the days linger into a bright, sparkling dusk that only seems to last a few minutes. I no longer ponder questions that have no answers, it´s a pointless ordeal that leads me nowhere. There is a big world out there. There is a vivid, bright and ample life out there. Let´s go explore it!

The Cave Singers – Seeds Of Night

måndag 25 juni 2012

Swingy mood

Jag borde författa en visionsplan för verksamheten, men jag har tappat bort mina visioner och upptäckt att illusioner -- dem kommer man inte långt med. Existentiellt behöver jag ett krispaket. Jag fick reda på i förra veckan att mitt öga är 90 år gammalt. Vilket är helt ok, jag har ju ett till. Men det är klart jag är irriterad över utgången. Annars pratar jag sällan om det som gör ont. Bara om det som gör mig arg. (Det mesta.) Och nej, det är inte samma sak. Iallafall inte alltid.

Simplicity

M: You got a new job?
Jag: Yeah.
M: What happened to the old one?
Jag: Well, I did´nt like it. They were...
M: They were wankers.
Jag: Yes.
M: Fucking wankers!

Daybreak

Sometimes you get that break you are looking for. Sometimes you have to get out of your comfort zone and take that leap. Sometimes you have to change location, city, county. Sometimes there is no way around it. It´s scary. It´s breathtaking. It´s a little bit mad at times. But, that´s life for you. Forever unpredictable and way to short to not keep walking into the unknown. Because, the only thing you can really count on is change. That´s the only constant. The only truth that we may know. The one safety.

And those notes, that band. Again: The Cave Singers – Townships

söndag 24 juni 2012

Golden

Last summer changed everything. Last summer sent me flying straight into orbit, straight to the moon. Last summer changed my life and will forever be remembered as the summer when everything was possible. When everything could happen. (And did.) Last summer showed me what I could be, if I only decided to take that leap. Last summer I endeavoured to achieve the unachievable, I reached for the stars and one by one they fell into my lapp. I never looked back. I just kept on smiling.

It´s here now. The summer light. I wonder what it´ll bring. This time around. But, the song is the same. Always the same.

The Cave Singers – Summer Light

lördag 23 juni 2012

I´m sorry

I may have screwed things up. I may have ruined everything. I may have been to candid, to blunt for us to move forward. It may have occured to you that the cost is to high and that it´s not really worth the risk. So, today might be a bleak day. Today may change everything. Today might leave me a bit speechless. But still, life will continue to spin. I will travel on. My feet will still be placed firmly on the ground and I´m still really thankful for everything you gave me. So, for some reason I feel pretty much like this today -- The Mudbugs Cajun & Zydeco Band – Jeunes Filles de la Campagne.

Despite everything.

fredag 22 juni 2012

New chapter

I used to run to get away from my life. Then I ran to catch up with my life. These days I seem to run simply because I like it.

Rachid Taha – Bonjour

Vision

I do love you. But I think it´s more about who I know you could be, but don´t have the strenght to be. Atleast not right now. I love how you always, always stand up for yourself. I love how simple things are for you. Because everything is black or white -- there are no shades. When I tell you someone is bothering me and you say: "Nina, just give me that wankers number. I´ll take care of it." I love how everything is bollox and salt of the earth and pints and faith. I love the intensity of your gaze and your perfect, perfect face. And your hands. (I could write a song about them.) Broken -- from fighting, broken -- from working. Still, soft as cotton, gentle as a breeze. I know you hate them, but to me they are the most beautiful hands I have ever seen. I love your mind and I love how you get me with one single glance. I love your flare for drama, I love that you never bore me and I love how you make me laugh so easily. I love how compatible we are and how I never have to ask what you are thinking -- I just read you like an open book. I love that there are always atleast two meanings to everything you say and I love that you are such a deadly romantic. I love that you always surprise me and how you leave me with plenty of space to breathe. I love your simplicity and your complexeties. So yeah, I do love you. But I think it´s more about who you aspire to be. Who you are capable of being if all the tragic circumstances could simply be erazed. In a heartbeat. I love you. But, I´m wise enough to know that sometimes the heart is not enough. And so are you. I think we both found out the hard way.

I wrote this long ago. Quite fitting that I should stumble across it exactly one year later. And you know what? I do love him. And yeah, he is so very right for me. But, that does´nt mean I don´t sometimes miss you.

Timo Räisänen – About You Now

Education

I should know better. Than to think I can run from my demons. I should know better. Than to think things will shift in me just because I change location. I should know better. In so many ways that I can´t even count them. But I don´t, and I guess that´s just something I have to live with.

Benjamin Francis Leftwich – Shine

lördag 9 juni 2012

Dreaming again

It´s silly. Just a romantic dream I think. But, I´m a sucker for romantic dreams. I´m a sucker for adversity, for distress and romantic misfortune. Drama? Can´t live without it. Fights? Can´t live without them. Crying? Like there is no tomorrow. So, bring on the frills honey. Bring on the nervousness, the breakdowns and the forever and evers. I´ve been ready my whole life.

U2 – I Will Follow

torsdag 7 juni 2012

To miss

I see you. Through those gaps made up of miles and space and time. Your jet-black hair. Your pale skin. Your eyes. Green, brown, green, brown. Fast. In judgement as in joy. Red velvet. Checkered shirts. Vivid colours and fast feet. Magical, like a saga, charming the world with your grin. You. Far away, but here. Still.

Dropkick Murphys – Climbing a Chair to Bed

onsdag 6 juni 2012

Tid

I miss, the "no fear" of you. I think, mostly because I miss the "no fear" of me. So, something has to give now, it seams. Something has to shift now, it must. I don´t know where my restlessness comes from. I don´t know if it will ever give way. I don´t know who I will be five years from now. I don´t know where life will take me in the end. What I do know. At the core. Is that it is time. For that change.

Noah And The Whale – Life Is Life