lördag 29 november 2014


Once upon a time there was a boy. He had the deepest voice imaginable and he stammered when he asked me:

"Are you coming tonight?"

He would bake cakes without recipes, he would get lost for hours on Wikipedia, keep fancy books in his bookcase just in case someone was watching and he would make soap that reminded me of the ocean. He was a boy who's phone remained silent on his birthday, he was a boy who's voice broke a bit when he told me that his father sent an empty birthday card to celebrate the day.

"At least I can reuse it and sent it to someone else."

His surface was hard and shiny, but his hands gentle. He would take my face between his large hands and smile at me and pull me close:

"You say the most amazing things, Nina."

He was a boy who would stand on the doorstep of his house and silently watch me walk down the street to catch the bus: 

"Baby, do you have enough money for the fare?"

(His hand remained lifted like a picture frozen in time, after blowing me a kiss).

He was a boy I could have loved if he would have let me. A boy that made different variations of peach cake simply because I adore peaches. A boy lost. A boy down. A Peter Pan who would not grow up because it hurt too much. 

He remains on stage. He remains alone. He remains as he is. In torment, in turmoil. 

My broken Billy. 

söndag 23 november 2014


I remember that morning - the sunlight streaming in through your window. The world was right, the world was at ease, my voice muffled against your chest as I said: "Good morning, morning, I think I may be Chinese today!" You chuckled and offered me a bacon sandwich, but yet we remained as we were until the train threatened to leave us behind. I put my cardigan on only to find you standing there in front of me, the pale morning light hitting your body like a spotlight: "Wina, I want a picture of you just as you are now." And I felt suddenly shy, suddenly 15 again - tilting my head down from the relentless white light of the Thursday morning. Your fingers gently touched my chin, lifted my face upwards and: Klick - a young girl stared back at me. A mass of hair and beaming, iridescent eyes. And I realized then that this was love. I realized then that you never know why, sometimes it's just a given.  I fed you  berries on the way to the train station. (A fork sticking out of the pocket of my leather jacket.) And when you kissed me goodbye amongst the throngs of stressing commuters I had absolutely no idea that you would break my heart.

fredag 10 oktober 2014


I'm swinging in the trapezoidal. I'm not ready to let go yet, but inch by inch my fingers are beginning to trust that I can land safely no matter what. I am aware of my fear, but the world is so breathtaking and luminous from above that it takes my breath away. My dress is made of translucent fabric and it floats in the air, but still remaining a second skin as I move ever so swiftly though the breeze. The light in your eyes shows me the way; it glitters and beams in the crisp night air and I abandon every word other than: freedom. I let go of the bar and find myself swinging though the misty, dusty veil that makes up the remembrances of my past. In a split second I flow like water through pouring rain, through blistering sunshine, through violent storms and life as I once knew it is gone in a heartbeat.

I am no acrobat, I am not weightless, but with you beside me I am fearless.

Taylor Swift – State Of Grace

söndag 21 september 2014


She is falling.
She doesn't know why, it simply just so.
That he is in the sky, the trees, the blossoms exploding in this Indian summer; in the air, the light, the gleam of this bright moon. He is made of tainted glass; every color of the rainbow, peach cake and cherry liqueur.

But mostly, he has a feeling of coming home; and leaves one single word echoing through this crisp night when he lets go of her hand....


Nick Drake – Northern Sky

måndag 15 september 2014


The window to the hallway was made of glass; fragments, slices, orbits and shapes the color of the rainbow. And when the sun shone through it the dust-particles glittered like a thousand diamonds; little stars shooting through the air, tiny specs of the fragile hopes we use to build our lives with. (The night closed in on us on a deserted sidewalk - the wind brisk, blowing new air into our lungs.) I sat there watching - through your eyes - something I had never seen.

And I knew I had finally arrived.

Jónsi – Sun

torsdag 11 september 2014


Man - it took you long enough.
Time - for no thoughts. (They are not necessary: I know you without knowing you.)
Limbs - moving. (But you are next to me.)
How - can you be so perfect for me?
Your jacket - around my shoulders.
Your eyes, your mind - like mine, but different.
Words - not too big or to small, just right.

I - am ready.

PS: What are you doing for the rest of your life?

Hellsongs – I Just Want You

söndag 31 augusti 2014


 I saw his face in yours when you smiled. The same crinkles around the eyes, the same jawline. His face made me stop that night - as you held onto my hand with stars in your eyes under the streetlight. After some time you gained your own proportions. Your own persona. Then you decided to try to break me down into tiny, little pieces.

But mon cheri, I don't learn my lessons twice.

Tarra Layne – Paris

Mister Business

You teach me that life is change and that growth is optional. You look at me and I don't melt, but my heart softens and I think your mind goes a bit quiet when you're snuggled up on the kitchen chair in my tiny flat. You fit here, strangely enough. Despite your size you don't take up too much room. We both let go of some of our fears and even though our doors are almost closed we leave a crack open for the other to enter.

We're meant to stay here a bit longer.

Tove Lo – Stay High - Habits Remix

fredag 1 augusti 2014


We shared a heartbeat and then it passed. We shared a moment, a thought, a revelation, a colour - and it spun us out of control. We lost ourselves by a riverbank and I woke up three weeks later, reality dealing me a striking blow across the chin.

"Wake up, chica!"

The world went silent.

We shared forever and a second. I found only emptiness.

The Electric Hearts – Machine

söndag 27 juli 2014


You keep me busy. You keep my mind working and my hands idle. Under your gaze I am golden and full of sparkle and spice. In your hands I stop spinning relentlessly and travel far beyond my wildest dreams. You are enough. You are challenging and your mind is wide. You are beauty and wreckage and conflicting truths and excitement. The problem is you have to come in two's.  

He made sure of that before he left.

The Verve – Lucky Man - 2004 - Remaster