I´m sorry

I may have screwed things up. I may have ruined everything. I may have been to candid, to blunt for us to move forward. It may have occured to you that the cost is to high and that it´s not really worth the risk. So, today might be a bleak day. Today may change everything. Today might leave me a bit speechless. But still, life will continue to spin. I will travel on. My feet will still be placed firmly on the ground and I´m still really thankful for everything you gave me. So, for some reason I feel pretty much like this today -- The Mudbugs Cajun & Zydeco Band – Jeunes Filles de la Campagne.

Despite everything.

New chapter

I used to run to get away from my life. Then I ran to catch up with my life. These days I seem to run simply because I like it.

Rachid Taha – Bonjour

Vision

I do love you. But I think it´s more about who I know you could be, but don´t have the strenght to be. Atleast not right now. I love how you always, always stand up for yourself. I love how simple things are for you. Because everything is black or white -- there are no shades. When I tell you someone is bothering me and you say: "Nina, just give me that wankers number. I´ll take care of it." I love how everything is bollox and salt of the earth and pints and faith. I love the intensity of your gaze and your perfect, perfect face. And your hands. (I could write a song about them.) Broken -- from fighting, broken -- from working. Still, soft as cotton, gentle as a breeze. I know you hate them, but to me they are the most beautiful hands I have ever seen. I love your mind and I love how you get me with one single glance. I love your flare for drama, I love that you never bore me and I love how you make me laugh so easily. I love how compatible we are and how I never have to ask what you are thinking -- I just read you like an open book. I love that there are always atleast two meanings to everything you say and I love that you are such a deadly romantic. I love that you always surprise me and how you leave me with plenty of space to breathe. I love your simplicity and your complexeties. So yeah, I do love you. But I think it´s more about who you aspire to be. Who you are capable of being if all the tragic circumstances could simply be erazed. In a heartbeat. I love you. But, I´m wise enough to know that sometimes the heart is not enough. And so are you. I think we both found out the hard way.

I wrote this long ago. Quite fitting that I should stumble across it exactly one year later. And you know what? I do love him. And yeah, he is so very right for me. But, that does´nt mean I don´t sometimes miss you.

Timo Räisänen – About You Now

Education

I should know better. Than to think I can run from my demons. I should know better. Than to think things will shift in me just because I change location. I should know better. In so many ways that I can´t even count them. But I don´t, and I guess that´s just something I have to live with.

Benjamin Francis Leftwich – Shine

Simplicity

"My heart has chosen that it wants to be with you..."

The Naked And Famous – Punching In A Dream

Dreaming again

It´s silly. Just a romantic dream I think. But, I´m a sucker for romantic dreams. I´m a sucker for adversity, for distress and romantic misfortune. Drama? Can´t live without it. Fights? Can´t live without them. Crying? Like there is no tomorrow. So, bring on the frills honey. Bring on the nervousness, the breakdowns and the forever and evers. I´ve been ready my whole life.

U2 – I Will Follow

To miss

I see you. Through those gaps made up of miles and space and time. Your jet-black hair. Your pale skin. Your eyes. Green, brown, green, brown. Fast. In judgement as in joy. Red velvet. Checkered shirts. Vivid colours and fast feet. Magical, like a saga, charming the world with your grin. You. Far away, but here. Still.

Dropkick Murphys – Climbing a Chair to Bed

Tid

I miss, the "no fear" of you. I think, mostly because I miss the "no fear" of me. So, something has to give now, it seams. Something has to shift now, it must. I don´t know where my restlessness comes from. I don´t know if it will ever give way. I don´t know who I will be five years from now. I don´t know where life will take me in the end. What I do know. At the core. Is that it is time. For that change.

Noah And The Whale – Life Is Life

Ze fredag

Idag är det fredag. FREDAG! Av någon anledning smakar det ordet alltid lika bra. Särskilt i solen!

The Wombats – Techno Fan

Förändringar

Ok, so I´m back. Ok, so I´ve missed this. I´ve missed putting down words, sentences, meanings. But, time was too busy for a while. Time, was too filled for a while. And, I did´nt want to share this one. Because, he is not Irish. Because, he is not a dream. Because, he is clearly outlined. And well-defined. And so much more than a romantic notion. So, I will share some. Just because I have too. Just because I can´t not. Only some though. Only parts. Bits. The rest belong to us. 

Just listen! Razorlight – America